


Making things right

by Cats_Dont_Float



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Getting Back Together, M/M, Slow Dancing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-06
Updated: 2019-11-06
Packaged: 2021-01-24 05:21:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,702
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21332914
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cats_Dont_Float/pseuds/Cats_Dont_Float
Summary: You got to Earth C. You’re safe, and alive. You survived the game, it’s over now.  You should be celebrating with the others. But you can’t. You just can’t. Because nothing feels right without him.While everyone celebrates safely reaching Earth C, Dirk and Jake find themselves doing the inevitable and discussing their failed relationship.
Relationships: Calliope/Jane Crocker/Roxy Lalonde, Dave Strider/Karkat Vantas, Jake English/Dirk Strider, Rose Lalonde/Kanaya Maryam
Comments: 7
Kudos: 53





	Making things right

You got to Earth C. You’re safe, and alive. You survived the game, it’s over now. You should be celebrating with the others. But you can’t. You just can’t. Because nothing feels right without him. 

It’s been a couple of days since you first got to the new universe, but everything’s been up in the air since then, the whole group having to pitch in to put up temporary shelter for everyone and alchemise the necessities to keep everyone alive and help those who were injured. With all of that to be done, it wasn’t hard to distract yourself from any thought that dared enter your head, and you worked hard all throughout the day and night, even when others stopped to rest, until your hands were bleeding and dirt--covered and your eyes could barely stay open. Only then did you collapse into a makeshift bed in the weird shelter you were currently sharing with Dave, and sleep for a few hours at most. 

But now the rush of those few days is over, and everyone’s decided to take a few days off before setting out to work on any of the major plans that are starting to be constructed. Someone, you suspect Roxy, brought up the idea of having a small party to celebrate surviving the game, and immediately people became overly invested in the idea. It’s a little morbid for your liking, and you’re not the only one who feels that way. Karkat, (loud guy, doesn’t hide his feelings; you’re pretty sure you’ll get along with him) has grumbled several times about how it’s weird to celebrate being alive when so many aren’t, and you’re inclined to agree with him on that one. Either way, the party’s going ahead apparently. 

Night fell a while ago, and someone turned on the ridiculous amounts of fairy lights that Roxy alchemised and strung up into nearby trees, and someone else has set up a speaker to play a playlist of songs. Kanaya and Rose have laid out picnic blankets on the grass, and people are gathered around in small groups, talking quietly and sharing out cans of soda and food. It’s a poor attempt at a party, really, but they’ve made the best out of it with only the few items they’ve actually managed to alchemise so far, and their dedication is almost impressive.

Despite it all, you’re hanging a little while away from the rest of the group, leaning against the trunk of a tree and watching the others from a distance. Rose and Kanaya are sat together, Kanaya’s head on Rose’s shoulder and Rose’s head leaning against hers. Their hands are entwined and laying between them on the blanket, and they’re too sweet. It’s adorable, really, though the sight of it makes that pang of longing in your chest feel just a little more painful. Roxy and Jane are talking with Calliope, and Dave and Karkat seem to be having some extremely important debate. Jade and John are up to no good, you’re sure. The two have been giggling amongst themselves for a while now, and seem to be convincing Terezi to do something strange with the can of shaving cream she’s currently holding. And Jake… actually, you can’t see him anywhere. You’re not looking, of course. Why would you be?

It turns out you don’t need to look for him, because seconds later a hand falls down heavily onto your shoulder, and a voice exclaims, “Alright, old chum?” You wince, and very deliberately take hold of his hand and move it off of your shoulder before dropping it again.

“English,” you reply with a small nod, voice as level and emotionless as usual, despite what just the sight of him is doing to your heart. You haven’t seen him around a lot in the last few days. When you first got to Earth C, he hugged you tightly, and tried to say a few words about being thankful to have you as a friend or something. You didn’t want to hear it, though. It’s to painful right now.

“Why aren’t you with the others?” He asks.

You could ask him the same thing, but he’s making an attempt at conversation for once, and you, as always, are too weak to resist him. “They all need their space,” you say nonchalantly with a shrug, “Especially Dave. Been hanging around him too much recently, and I think he’s been waiting for a chance to sneak off and make out with Karkat.” You smirk at how Jake gawps at that. You’re pretty sure Dave and Karkat haven’t told anyone about their relationship yet, but they’re not exactly the best at keeping it hidden either.

“Don’t be silly,” Jake says after a second, “They want you around.”

“Oh really?” You scoff before you can remind yourself to continue sounding completely uninterested in everything, “You didn’t want me around.” Oh great, that made it worse.

“I did!” Jake protests, “I just needed my space, Dirk! Can’t you understand that?”

“No!” You snap, digging the heels of your shoe into the grass and turning to him exasperatedly. “No, I can’t! Okay? I don’t understand what went wrong and I really wish you would be a little better at explaining your emotions, English!”

He takes a step backwards in surprise, then sighs heavily. “Dirk, I lived on an island with no one but my grandma for my entire life,” he says, “And then suddenly being thrown into that game, which was terrifying on its own, and having to deal with not only all the sudden human contact but you actually wanting to be my boyfriend it… it was too much! And you were just… you were just a little overbearing, okay? I thought you’d understand that. You grew up alone as well.”

That shuts you up for a second, in which you just sort of stare grossly at him. All that the time alone did to you was make you completely touch-starved and desperate for human contact. You had never even begun to think it could have been completely the opposite for Jake. You can feel your heartbreaking just at the thought that you could have ever made him so uncomfortable.

“Jake, I’m sorry,” you sigh, “I’m an asshole, I know.”

“No you’re not,” Jake says firmly, “We were both just kids, Dirk. We still are, I guess. And we’ve both been through a lot.” After all this time, you have no idea how he can still be so kind to you, when talking to him is so difficult for you.

“Well, for what it’s worth, I’m sorry,” you reply, for once not caring about keeping up that Strider cool-kid facade. “I really did love you, Jake.” You really as you say it that you’ve never told him that before, but you keep talking anyway, “And I never stopped to even think about your feelings.”

“You loved me?” Jake asks softly, and his eyes are a little wider that before.

“Yeah,” you huff, “I’m guessing you didn’t.” It doesn’t matter, not anymore, but part of you is really hoping desperately that he’ll say he did, even though that will make all of this so much worse.

He takes a few steps forward, and grabs onto both of your hands before you can even think about stopping him. You wouldn’t stop him anyway; you’re too weak for him. “I did,” he whispers quietly, his breath curling into misty vapour in the small space between you and dancing upwards into the dark evening air. “I always did, Dirk. I just didn’t know how to deal with that.” His voice is so soft and gentle, and his painfully bright eyes are glowing in the light from the fairy lights, their warm light illuminating his dark skin. You want to kiss him. You really want to kiss him. You won’t though. It’s not worth causing yourself anymore pain. Everything between the two of you is over, and you can’t let yourself forget that.

“Yeah, well,” you sigh, turning and twisting your hands out of his grip, “It’s over now.” You don’t want to be having this conversation anymore, wanting to end it before it gets any more uncomfortable, so you quickly stride away. Jane and Roxy are laughing nearby and teaching Calliope to dance, and you think you’ll go and join them for a while, if only to distract yourself.

But before you can even leave the shadows underneath the trees, he’s behind you again, and you can hear his rushed footsteps as he hurries to catch up with you. And then you’re being knocked to the ground with an ‘oof’. You manage to roll over onto your back, but in seconds he’s then kneeling on you chest, your wrists grasped in his hands, and he smirks down at you.

“Hey, Dirk, old pal,” he says after a few moments of the two of you just staring at each other.

“Yeah?” You reply, the word barely a whisper.

“Say, what would you think if I told you that I never stopped loving you?” He asks quietly.

“I…” you stare for a second, and any words you wanted to say are instantly gone from your mind. In every dream and fantasy you’ve had where he’s said those words, you’ve always had some witty comeback, but now that it’s actually happening like you thought it never would, you’re frozen.

“Dirk?” He says gently, and you realise there’s worry clouding his bright eyes. You use that moment to sit up, overpowering him completely by catching him off guard, and he sits back, eyes flying wide in concern. His mouth is open, so before he can say another word in that stupidly attractive thick accent of his, you lean forward and silence him with a kiss. He squeaks out his surprise against your lips, then seems to melt forward against your chest. You don’t give him long to enjoy it though, pushing him backwards before the two of you can get too distracted. 

“Jake English,” you say, voice weaker and more shaky than you’d expected it to be, “I never stopped loving you either. You beautiful, stupid idiot. Of course I still love you.” And then before he can reply you kiss him again. Within seconds his hands are in your hair, pulling you in closer to him, and for a second you allow yourself to just enjoy kissing him. But there’s still anxiety eating away at the edge of your mind, and when he pulls away to take a breathe you push him further back.

“Jake,” you say softly, leaning down to rest your head on his shoulder, “This isn’t right. It was so bad last time. We can’t let this happen, if it's all just going to go to shit again.”

“We’re older now,” Jake says quietly, running one hand through your hair, and you shiver slightly. “We know more, and we’ve got all the time in the world to talk about all of this and work everything out. And I really do want to make this work. Don’t you?”

You look up at him, and realise this is the first time you can ever remember him being the one to try and make things work. You always felt it was you trying to force the relationship to continue. But now he wants to make it work properly for the first time. And he’s right; you do have all the time in the world now that you’re both immortal. 

“Okay,” you say weakly.

“Okay?” He asks.

“Okay.” You laugh softly, and look up with a smile. “But… can we not let it get so bad this time, please? I really want to make this work, and I… I can’t go through all of that heartbreak again.

“You won’t have to,” Jake says with a smile, and for the first time ever you believe him. He leans in then to kiss you, and this time you do nothing to stop him. The grass is damp and muddy, and it’s getting cold out, but you don’t care as he pushes you backwards onto the ground, because he’s warm and you just want to keep him close to you.

Ten minutes later, the two of you step out of the trees. He’s still a little breathless, and his cheeks are flushed dark, visible even in the poor lighting. You hope you’re at least a little more presentable, though you’re sure your hair, usually so meticulously styled, is a mess where he wouldn’t stop running his hands through it. He takes your hand in his, and you run your thumb over the familiar, rough, calloused skin. He squeezes your hand tightly, and you squeeze back, and then you step into the space where your friends are gathered.

Roxy instantly whistles as obnoxiously as she can, and the look on Jane’s face in unreadable. Dave just smirks and cocks an eyebrow at you, while Karkat seems to be having some sort of meltdown (the guy’s a sucker for romance - you’ll tell him the whole story later). Calliope smiles shyly at the two of you, and Kanaya and Rose observe with their usual polite smiles and looks that tell you that you’re being psychoanalysed as you stand there. 

Neither of you say anything, and when Jake pulls you close to him you rest your forehead against his broad chest, arms around his waist, and let him sway the two of you in time to the slow music that’s playing. You smile to yourself when he dips his head to kiss your hair, and let yourself relax in his arms, gently running your hands up and down Jake's back, 

“Oh, yay, dancing!” Roxy declares, “Callie! Jane! Dance with me!” How she’s expecting all three of them to slow dance together, you’ll never know, but they attempt it anyway with giggles amongst themselves. Rose and Kanaya join too, quietly discussing the recent events between themselves as they do, and Dave and Karkat both watch with matching awkward looks on their face.

“Get your asses up here,” you whisper-shout to them, and the two glance at each other with flushed faces. A few moments pass, and then Dave reluctantly gets up and offers his hand to Karkat. Neither of them seem to really know how to slow dance, but they stand close together and sway like you and Jake are, whispering to each other. You grin, then drop your head back against Jake’s chest. Listening to your friends giggle and laugh, whilst being held in the arms of the boy who actually loves you back (he really does, after all these years he really does love you back ) is one of the best things you’ve experienced in years. And it feels like maybe, just maybe, things might actually be okay now.

Later that night, you go back to his shelter rather than to the one you usually share with Dave, and the two of you curl up together under a pile of soft blankets. He spoons you from behind, arms tight around you, and only then do you remember how great it is to just be held in his arms. He’s not much taller than you, and you’re both about as strong as each other, but he’s broader and more muscular, and you feel safe laying there with him. He’s warm too, protecting you from the cold air of the middle of the night. And when he presses a kiss to the back of his neck, you can feel the way his lips quirk upwards into his smile. 

There are still problems. You and Jake have a lot to discuss, and this isn’t going to just erase all the hurt he’s caused you. But nothing could ever stop you from loving him as much as you do. Because it’s always been him, and you could never love anyone as much as you love him. And he’s right, after all; the two of you have got a whole lifetime together to sort everything out. For now, you’re just going to let yourself get some proper sleep for the first time in ages, and everything else can be sorted out in the morning.

**Author's Note:**

> Writing fairy lights in emotional scenes is like my favourite thing ever. Like that's always how I imagine Kanaya and Rose's wedding looking as well... I just really like fairy lights.


End file.
